Nothing but Feelings

So, I hung out with Mik a lot for the past 24 hours or so. It was great, filled with tons of laughs and great ideas. Mik introduced me to the vlogbrothers, which is made out of pure awesomeness. You guys should check it out for yourselves. Anyways, the first thing I did when I got home was watch some more of their videos. After delving deeper and deeper into the recesses of their videos, I found the video Rest in Awesome, Esther. While watching the video, I nearly cried. Wanting to know more about her, I went to her YouTube channel.
oiHSFIS SIFHSOIDF ihsafihds.ogisgoi eo
See, Esther had cancer. *Sigh* I cried so hard. Watching her videos and getting a tiny glimpse of her life was... I can't even describe it (Touching, sad, enlightening, symathetic, depressing, lovable, with a lot of epicness thrown in). Esther passed away about 4 months ago. Just seeing how much she cared for her family and how afraid she was made me cry. From what I could tell, Esther was an amazing person, even if she might have thought otherwise. She will be remembered, and she will rest in awesome.

Thank you, Mik, for introducing me to the vlogbrothers, and thank you, vlogbrothers for introducing me to Esther.

Welcome to Nerdfighteria, Maya.

FORGET YOU

My GOD.
Well.
Heh, this was all for nothing.
Figures.
I'm mad. I'm very, very mad.
But at least I'm laughing. Even though it's sardonic.
I'm still smiling.
I care, yes, but I honestly realized it wasn't worth it.
I'd really like to get a knife. A really dull knife.... Wait, no. Better, I'll use my freaking fingernails and SCRATCH HIS EYES OUT!
You have no idea how becoming that idea is to me right now.
I hope that when this is all over, that girl will break his stupid little heart.
He deserves it.
He broke mine many a time.
And he mended it again.
And then he broke it. Again.
Figures.
Well, I hope he regrets it when he sees how happy I am.
I'm over him. Oh yes, you heard me. I'm over it.
And I SO hope I get to break his heart later on.

Tataa, my friends. Happiness awaits me.

Am I jealous?

Hah. No.
I'm just irritated.
I seriously wish I could do that.
I guess "Suddenly I see" by KT Tunstall would be the song that fits my situation right now... Somewhat. Meh. Not really. I just like the song.

Once I finish translating my christmas story, I will post it on here.
Nutcracker rehearsals are tiring, but it's almost over.
Harumm. That was a good cookie. Thanks, Keira! IT WAS GINGERBREAD! :D

Oh yeah! My leg is totally messed up. Like, the ball of my foot is all weird, and then my ankle, then my knees, and finally, my hip. Like, the entire leg is out of whack. And it hurts. And I WANT IT GOOOONE! I mean, I'm gonna be dancing on it and I can't exactly be limping around the dance floor. Oh well. It will get better. I hope....

On a different note, Mik is coming! Yay!

._.

D: Tooo eaaaaarllyyyy!

So... I had to write a story for spanish. It had to be a christmas story. I wrote it. It's a work of art no matter what you guys say. A work of art despite the length, typos, cheesy jokes, etc. It's a masterpiece to me and I actually laughed when I read it over.
I went to bed at 2 AM this morning. Writing the story, doing my scarf, and watching glee. That episode made me want to cry, by the way. So freaking touching!
I woke up at 5 AM. Why? Because I needed to take a shower and my mom locked the puppies up in the bathroom. That had the only shower available at the time. Sooo, I hear this alarm, BEEP BEEP BEEP (the annoying type of Beep) and I groggily and reluctantly got up, wondering if the apocalypse would happen since I was waking up at such an ungodly hour. Well, it pretty much did. My plan consisted of waking up, silently moving the puppies to the exterior of the shower, and taking my nice, hot, relaxing shower. This is what actually happened: I went inside, crept over to the shower (Where the puppies were being kept), and three little puppies looked up at me, and I swear, they looked at me like I was some god or something. I didn't register what problems I would cause if I took them out of the shower, put them on the floor with their cage, and took my shower really quickly.
Well.
My shower was going fine, the puppies were being appreciatively calm, and I was taking my shower. Half way through, though, Large Puppy started wailing as if someone had chopped of her poor legs and put lime on them. Shocked out of my stupor from the shower, I tried to calm her and reassure her that her legs were indeed not being chopped off and being tortured. But nooooo. This dog insisted that she wanted to cry and wail because she wanted to be back in the shower. She didn't simply want to be pet. She wanted to be back in the shower because for some reason, she understood in her tiny little puppy mind that her bed was still there and she wouldn't take no for an answer.
This awkward dilemma got even worse. As the wails and whines grew louder, my poor mom got woken up and I swear, she would have murdered me right there and then for waking her up at 5 AM if there hadn't been any puppies as witnesses. I took the puppies out of the bathroom, awkwardly wrapped in a towel, while my mom shot imaginary daggers at me every once in a while.
Once the puppies were out, I was free to continue my shower. I finished it as soon as I could to help my poor mother with the puppies, who had calmed down now and were sleeping contentedly in her lap outside of the bathroom. I got dressed and sort of cowered in the corner while my mom whispered soothing words into the puppies' ears. I asked her if I could do anything, to which she replied, "I don't know." The axe-murderer tone was clear in her voice. I then offered to towel dry the shower so that we could put the puppies back in there so they could shut up. My mom accepted this idea as decent and I rushed to clean the shower before my mom decided to kill me or something. Once everything was dry, I put their stuff back in the shower and proceeded to carry their tiny little selves back to their makeshift home.
It was now 6 AM and I had nothing better to do, so I decided to make some coffee since I only got 3 hours of sleep last night.
And currently my only life sustenance that I'm using is coffee and whatever little rest I got from my 3 hour slumber.
*Yawn.*

And then it all comes crashing down...

Wow.

How miserable.
This all sucks. A lot. Geez, Maya. Leave it up to you to ruin your entire social life in one week. I'm not even kidding.
Emileano hates me because I'm "self centered and emo," while he's extremely hot-headed and dramatic. I try to act better for his sake, but he just starts yelling at me. Then I feel sad, which is exactly what he's yelling at me for, so it's an eternal loop of chaos! I seriously don't know what he wants with me. He yells and then makes me feel bad about myself and want to yell right back at him. I honestly don't know what to do with him. I mean, we used to be really, really good friends! Now we barely ever talk to each other.
Then *Ahem* actually likes Keren-ha. And I like him. And ohmygod I can't believe I'm giving you guys all this information. This situation is really, really tangled up. I've lost all hope.
Sofi's mad at me because I blame her for finding out who *Ahem* likes, which it totally is her fault! I never ever asked her to tell me who he liked. She just waltzed off and asked. I mean, it was NONE of her business! She had no right. And then she actually acts like it is her business, which completely ticks me off.
Then Keddy thinks I replaced her with a scarf... O.o

Since when did my life become so miserable? I seriously miss the times when I didn't have any homework, anyone I liked, any family problems, any insecurity about my identity. There actually was a time when I had all that. I want it back. I want my happiness back. Heck, I want my life back.

Thanksgiving was yesterday. I wasn't completely miserable then.
There are so many Beatles songs that could add up to my life's situation right now:
Yesterday
You won't see me
I'm looking through you
Hey Jude

Ugh... Just make it stop.
..Let me grow wings and fly far away from here.

Be your own Llama

xD
I always have so much fun hanging out with Keren-ha. She's awesome. And guess what! SHE GOT HER BRACES REMOVED TODAY!! YAAAAY!

I've decided I want to go to England for college :D

I DON'T FEEL LIKE WRITING A BLOG POST. I'M DONE. BYEEEE!

Me Notebook

So, for my birthday, I got a notebook. I had no idea what I wanted to do with this notebook, but then I decided I would fill it with my own literature. I started writing my poems in it, and short stories, but then it turned out to sort of help me channel my thoughts and simply write about life. Yeah, most of you would call that a diary, but it totally isn't. Anyways, I wanted to copy some stuff down on the computer and wanted to post them on blogger, so... yeah. (YAY FOR LONG BLOG POST!) Warning: Some of these poems/notes make absolutely no sense or don't even rhyme. I wasn't really paying attention to what exactly I was writing :P

What am I?
What do you see when you look at me?
Am I a stranger to you in this world,
Or something more?
If I came to you, would you shut the door in my face?
If I tried to get closer to you,
Would you push me away?
What am I to you?

Smoke
The smoke is thick, covering my eyes.
It's toxic, filling my lungs with filth.
I want to scream out, but I only manage to cough.
I'm blind, my eyes are stinging, my throat closing.
I try to find my way through this hell,
To get back to my sanctuary.
I battle with the smoke, losing my strength,
Thinking that my efforts are useless.
Where did this smoke come from?
Where is the fire? Does it even exist?
I'm searching for answers, my mind is storming,
And I finally figure it out.
The smoke begins to clear, I'm starting to breathe,
I'm not in any pain.
It turns out this smoke was something different.
...It was only confusion.
Stop
All these sensations
Too confusing to bear,
I keep looking for you,
But you're never there.
I try to control my feelings,
But I simply cannot,
Why can't I have a button
That has the option "Stop"?
Just give me a minute,
That's all I'm asking for.
A second to gather my thoughts,
To stop asking for more.
Stop me from drowning,
Give me a chance to sleep.
Just stop.

I am a poet
I am a poet,
Though not all things rhyme,
A master of words,
The twister of time.
I create things with my paper and pen,
I make people remember again.
I can create worlds,
And tear them down with ease.
I can write about you,
And you will do as I please.
So be weary of a poet,
The rhymer of words,
The joker of life.
Their pens don't only create words,
They also work well as a knife.

Affection
Almost everyone has someone to show their affection to, even if the other person doesn't know it. People do crazy things for so-called "love". They try to get the other person's attention, and give them little hints that they care about them. They dream. They dream that someday those two people will be together. Sometimes, you're too nervous to even talk to them, but you show your affection in different ways. But... What if that person that you "love" says something about you and they have no idea that you heard? It brings your hopes down... You force yourself to keep trying to win them over, to try even harder. But now, when you look at them, it somehow feels wrong. As if you're having second thoughts on whether you even have feelings for them. You feel like you've spent all your affection and you have nothing to hold on to. A stupid comment of "She's too tall for me" did that to me.

Get back up
If you fall, get back up.
You must stand tall and search for luck.
Don not dwell on things passed by,
Don't look back, because time flies.
Try your best, be prepared,
Do some things you've never dared.
Get back up, don't fall down,
You must smile instead of frown.
When the rain is pouring,
And you want to quit,
Think of your goal,
Make it fit.
Work hard for what you want,
Don't give up or get second thoughts.
Just get back up.


~~

Sadly, that's all I've managed to write in it so far. I'm bored. And these poems aren't that great. Blagh. I just wanted to write. Anyways, there we go. I'm happy now. Actually, I wanna go for a walk. Then I'll be happy.

The importance of Chocolate

Me:
If you don't understand how important chocolate is in the society of girls, you need to read this.
CHOCOLATE IS IMPORTANT
IT'S THE FUEL OF LIFE!
IT'S THE ONLY THING IN THIS WORLD THAT SAYS "I STILL LOVE YOU. I WILL COMFORT YOU FOREVER WITH MY CREAMY CHOCOLATEY-NESS AND I WON'T JUDGE YOU"
IT IS THE GLORY AND PRIZED POSSESSION OF A WOMAN
WHEN MEN FAIL HER AND SHE NEEDS LOVE SHE WILL TURN TO CHOCOLATE :'D
Chocolate... Is our friend.
That is why a man should always give a woman chocolate.

A man:
Hah! You're kidding, right?

Me:
No way!
I'm completely serious
100%
Chocolate is not a thing to joke about
It is a great DECLARATION OF LOVE! :'D
Men turn to a woman when they need comforting, but a woman cannot rely on a man. So she turns to chocolate. And the chocolate comforts her without questioning her or thinking she's lonely and needs a social life.
WHEN MAN FAILS, A WOMAN TURNS TO CHOCOLATE! IT WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HER

A man:
You make it sound like we're lazy and heartless. Not all men are like that!

Me:
If not all men were like that, we women would not need chocolate. But we do. And you are.

~~
Okay, not *all* men are like that. But chocolate is very important. This is my perspective on chocolate. xD No offense to men.

November

Yesterday I decided I really wanted to write a blog post. I'm not sure about what, but I just did. I can't believe it's already November. Time seems to pass so fast... I'm starting to see why adults tell you to enjoy childhood while you have it, because before you know it you'll be totally grown up. It's kind of scary. So, I've decided I'm going to enjoy the little amount of years of teenage-hood that I still have. I also can't believe I'm 14. Well, I guess I have an entire year to process that. But like I said, time passes by quickly. Ugh, I'm just running around in loops right now.

I've started reading the Percy Jackson series, and it's amazing. I need the next book! Today someone asked me if reading was my passion. I contemplated this, and it's definitely one of them. I have others, such as drawing and taking pictures, but reading's definitely up in my favorite 3. I really approve of reading. I need more books x3!

I just looked up lists of emoticons. I was so overwhelmed by the awesomess of so much EMOTICON INFO! xD

I'm losing the little bit of inspiration I had to write a blog post. I shall put this to an end. Tootles.

Come on.

Oh brother. My last post was... Spontaneous and I felt like writing it. You guys are weird to be weirded out. Hmph.
I don't usually write something like that and it's not really something people write about (unless it's Lily because she can always write about her boyfriend without anyone going o-O)but I felt like writing it so there. And I really needed to write that down.

So there you go.
I'm not a robot.