Mr. Happy Face: I'm gonna cut your throat open and use your blood as syrup on my pancakes! Yaaaay!
Don't run, Timmy! I wanna cut off your skin! I wonder what's inside your dog, Timmy! Mmm Organs! Look Timmy! I'm cutting up your dog! Mmmm, look at all these organs! They're so slippery! You're so soft, Timmy!
Note: I would have added more, but the video was extremely unsettling and I got grossed out.
swiffer!: What is all this music and singing?! No, surely you jest! How can the cleaning be done?!
I'm breaking up with you, Meredith. You and your old mops and brooms. Me and swiffer are running away to Santa Monica to become street musicians! What?! How can this be? I've never wanted you more! Well, you could say I've been swept off my feet! Haha, jolly good!
How to play the violin: Johnny, you have been given a violin, now play it. Do it johnny! Yes, yes Johnny! Play the violin! Play it forever! Mama, help me! But the boy has to learn! stop it, Ron! Fine. stop playing. Play the violin, Johnny....
John McCain and his vegetables: The whole freaking song. What are you doing in here John? I'm singing to my vegetables... Don't do that.
The interview: Take a seat. Uh... There's no chairs. Have you ever poisoned a fellow employee? Are you serious? Yes. Have you ever followed a customer home? No... And hidden in their closet until they fell asleep? Sam, have you ever performed sacrificial murder on one of our customers?
No! Samuel, Sammy, can I call you sambo? Have you ever taken a hollowed out skull and sipped blood out of it in the glorious name of Satan? sataaaan! This is kind of ridiculous. Have you ever played an organ constructed out of human meat? That... That isn't even possible! Yes it is! I've played one. It sounds terrible. This is... Well then wrap your mind around this! I have no butt, Sam. I have no lower body of any kind. You could say I'm a merman. Is that why you have no chairs? Tell me please! Are my eyes bleeding? It feels like blood is dripping out of my eyes! Why did God take my butt? It wasn't a gradual thing, Sam. My butt just walked off and left.
Meh, I would put more, but this has been a draft for waaaaay too long.