When there's nothing left to burn...

So, I decided to blog because I have nothing better to do because Lily abandoned me (thanks, Lil. I'm feeling the love) to hang out with her friends and mom and Jerry are running errands or something so I'm pretty much just sitting here, snapping the rare flea in two while I sit on the couch that I guess has been claimed by CJ (Lovely mental image, eh?).
So I don't really know what to do and I want to talk to Mik or Keddy (who seem to be the only people that I might have a chance of hanging out with during this vacation) and do something. Blaaah. This sucks and I'm bored and I want to do something but I have nothing to do so I don't know what to do!! -.-

This is how my brain works.

My life is so weird. So I'm sorta just gonna keep on writing until I figure out something interesting to talk about. Something about a dream is captivating my attention right now but I can't really remember what my dream was. I remember it was cool, though. That's it. I'm reading a book that is very interesting. It's like The Village meets Post-Zombie apocalypse meets... I don't know. The book. xP It's called The Forest of Hands and Teeth. Very interesting. So check it out sometime. I promised Alex I wouldn't go to bed until he did because he's all creeped out because of a nightmare he had and therefore only got half an hour of sleep and I feel sorry for him and so I'm staying up with him. What a good friend I am. ._. I'm so freaking excited for Mexico. I can't wait! I've been in need to see it again. I miss so much about it. Teenage dreams in a teenage circus... Blaah. Mkay. This is leading nowhere. I will stop boring you with a constant babble of an empty assembly of words. So, yeah.

No matter how I felt, it was hard to do.
I don't regret these last 2 months, but I'm sorry.
I'm sorry it happened that way.

Something Good Can Work

Inspiration is surging through me and I don't really know what to do with it. Do I write, do I draw, do I go out and take some photos? Do I let my mind churn over the ideas I have in my head and wait until I have solid facts about what I want to do or do I go out, right now, and do it? I have so many more ideas for my book that pull most of the loose ends together. Sadly, NaNo ends tomorrow. But that doesn't mean I'll stop writing. Who wants to leave a book that they had written, half-finished, to rot away in our computer hard drive? Reading, I think, has brought me more inspiration. I get so many fresh ideas from the stories, add a whole big twist, maybe trash the idea and find a new one.
Anywho, I'm inspired and I know I should write, but I have so much to do (aka lazing around doing nothing and waiting for tomorrow to come).
I guess I'll do something soon.

Also, this is my 127th post :)

So. It's safe to say that I'm incredibly addicted to Skyrim. If you play it, you're amazing, if you don't, you should definitely try. It's all fun and stuff. But anywho. This isn't the point of my blog post.

HAPPY TWO MONTHS, PATRICK :) I hope it stays this way for a really, really long time.

PS: Sorry I haven't posted much lately.

Sleepy Tigers

Not having a great day. This morning I accidentally dropped my laptop when I was trying to put it in my book bag. I thought it would be alright since I have dropped Skyler before, but nope... It cracked the screen and now it is an array of colors and black ink.... I'm so sad. I have all my life on Skyler and I feel sad that I dropped him. Patrick offered to help me and for that I'm very grateful. But I will miss my laptop that has old sharpie marks and its Apple sticker in the corner and its missing '6' key. :C

On another note, I got my report card today and I am proud to say that I have all A's. Lily says that all the classes I have are easy, but I did work hard for my grades. I brought my biology up from an 88 to a 96. I'm proud of the grade I have.

Inheritance came out today, and I had been planning to buy it the day it came out but I never did. I'm sad because of that. I had a gift card and everything. Oh well. Tomorrow, I hope. I'm gonna get Keddy a copy as well (I MISS YOU SO MUCH!). I'm really excited to read Inheritance. Blaaaah!

I hate drama. 'Nuff said. I hate it.

I'm really excited to go back to Mexico in December... I miss everyone so bad. I'm just looking forward to spending time with my friends and sort of just... Remembering my old life, kind of. I don't deny that I've changed since I moved to North Carolina. Whether it's for the best or the worst, I don't know. But I've learned a lot. Sometimes I just wish I could go back to the way things were, though. Maybe in Mexico I'll get a little taste of that. I'm sure I'll be engulfed in nostalgia though... I miss you guys so much. I miss Keren-ha, Mik, Meagan, Vadel, Pedro, Dan, Odeth, Theily, and even Elam. I want to see you guys again.

Writeeee

I have to write. So far I have 3,253 words. I need 3,144 more to reach today's goal. I'm a little bit more than half, but I wrote what I have so far in a sequence of three days. Which means I gotta go on turbo mode. Of course, all I'm doing right now is blogging. I'm stressing out over this so bad. Anyways. Ta ta for now, I have a lot of work to do.

To no one in particular or to you.

You gave me a purpose to live when I was dying.
You taught me to love.
No matter how many cuts or scrapes you have, you will always shine like diamonds in my eyes.
A stray picked up from the road; when you found me, I had found a home.
You made me feel love towards someone other than myself.
I feel pain when you feel it because I can't bear to see you sad.
Life is too short to believe that no one loves you.
Love and be loved, that's how it works.
But don't pick out the wrong people or you might get hurt.
You taught me to care when the only pain I felt was my own.
Let me say this, and never forget, you're the greatest friend I've ever known.

Lot 92

When I think about it, I realize that some of the most inspirational moments I've had in my life have come from walks. Long or short walks, either if I'm walking around barefoot in the rain or lugging around a backpack full of small props to take pictures of with my best friend. Whether it's in Mexico or North Carolina, they're still always inspirational.

Today I went on a walk.

 Lot 92 is our Bridge to Terabithia, in a sense. 

It was the first time I had ever entered the "woods" in North Carolina.

It was more magical than I thought it would be. We encountered a small stream not even too far from the entrance to the forest. It was all just so beautiful, the way it was laid out. I don't really even know how to describe it. My pictures can't describe how beautiful it looked. Or maybe it's because of the way my eyes saw everything. 

It was just a really nice walk. The minutes that passed by were all so pleasant. Talking to Patrick about anything and nothing in particular.

I've found someone that has inspired me in so many ways. I was so blank before... There's actually someone that has made me feel so much better about life. About myself. I don't feel so alone anymore. He brought me inspiration and hope when I thought I had none. 

Today was an amazing day.

The Tears

My vision was blurred by tears... The small drops that fell from my eyes seemed to drown out everything else. I was barely aware of the hands clawing at me... The crawling fingers, reaching for the book that I was protecting with my body and soul. The book that mean life or death. I couldn't wipe away those black tears that seemed to make my breathing shallower and shallower... The book was grasped tightly in my hands, my fingernails digging into the ancient leather binding, scraping against the ruby in the center.
"Child of the Damned," whispered the voice behind me, "the book does not belong to you." Malice and death slithered from its lips. Menace was in the voice's words. Yet I did not let go of the book. How could I, when I spent my entire life guarding it? No, I would not give up.
Yet the tears... They burned. They burned into my skin and soul. What sort of devil's work was happening here?
The demon grasped my hand and pried at my fingers. I screamed and thrashed, wanting nothing but for this to end. I knew this was no nightmare; how could I think up something like this?
My fingers bled. The demon was screeching at me, making the tears come out more, burning my flesh. I could feel it. Yet I gripped the book with all my strength... But it was not enough.
I didn't know if it was the pain that wracked my whole body or the demon that was hunched at my side, still beating me and attempting to break my fingers to get to the book that made me give in. I could not endure these tears. My eyes burned, I could no longer see the demon that was ripping at me with tooth and claw. I could no longer feel the book in my hands....
...The book...
My eyes snapped open. The demon was still in my line of vision. I could see it. I had let the book go-!
I don't know how I had the strength, but I lunged towards it. Too far away...
The demon was grinning and jumping around. The soulless creature stroked the binding of the book and flipped it open. I cringed and waited to feel a piece of my soul be torn out of me as it always did... But nothing happened. I didn't feel the pain that was so terrible... So fatal.
The demon did not scream like I had anticipated it to. It read the book.
So I screamed.
I pulled out my dagger and threw it straight at the demon, right in the temple of its leathery skull. It dropped the book and disintegrated into dust.
I scrambled to the book, and gently ran my fingers along its blood streaked cover. The tears came back, yet this time they did not burn.

~
A/N: This was inspired by listening to Kanon Wakeshima. I have no idea why I write such gruesome stuff, I really don't. I'm actually in a really happy mood right now.
But anyways, this is sort of a sequel to my post "Nightmare." The book. I'm always compelled to write about it. Also, I'm exercising my brain for NaNoWriMo. Comment your thoughts, good or bad. I don't really care.
PS: Is it sad that it took me 3 hours to write this??

Autumn is my favorite season. I love everything about it. The weather, how it's crisp and just cold enough to wear a sweater and not get uncomfortable. I love it when the leaves turn and the world is bathed in color. I love the holiday feel of it, when everyone is getting ready for Halloween and Thanksgiving.
I was born in October, so that's another reason why I love the fall so much.
I love the idea of going out camping and sitting by a fire roasting marshmallows. Listening to someone play guitar over the sound of a rushing creek and the rustling of leaves.
I love curling up in a blanket with hot cocoa in my hand and a book in the other. I love snuggling up to my loved ones and talking about nothing important. I love the word "autumn," how the letters look so graceful and full of promise.
Some of the best moments in my life have happened in the fall, and I plan on this being the best autumn yet.

At home.

Too many thoughts are coursing through my head. Love, life, education, recreation, memorization... My life has changed completely, yet it's all the same. A new home, a new school, a new country, new people...
Challenges have been presented to me these past few months. Some that I thought I would never be able to pass. I've gone through things that would have made me cower and run away before. Not just bad things, but good things. Things that I fear I'll mess up. If I take one wrong step, I'll ruin everything. I will fall off the small string of success that I've worked so hard to make. It's scary, but exhilarating. I look at every challenge with anticipation and motivation. Moving here has presented me to new ideas and ways of thinking. It's challenged me to make a life for myself.
I'm so content here. Even if I have a routine that I follow 24/7, it's relaxing. I've been doing good in school, I've made friends, I have an amazingly incredible boyfriend, I'm in a play, I have a church that I really feel at home with... Several years ago I was at home in Mexico, but it moved away from me. And now I'm here and I've found it again.
I'm just really looking forward to the future. I'm excited for all of it. I want to feel the excitement of opening night for the play, I want to reach the one month mark of being with Patrick, I want to take driver's ed, I want to get my report card and try hard to get good grades. I want to impress my parents. I want to build my life.
I'm so excited for the future, but the present is what's really important.

PS: My writer's block finally lifted :D

MOTIVATION

At some point in time, everyone's dream will be challenged. They'll experience a moment where they're completely crushed, say for example, if someone enters a drawing contest and has complete confidence in themselves that they'll at least place something, and they worked *so* hard for it, but in the end, everything that they did wasn't enough. There will always be someone that is greater than you. It's a fact.
Or for example, if you apply for a college scholarship and you know you have worked incredibly hard for all these years to make enough to put in your application, and you really believe that you have done some really impressive things in your life, like having worked since you were 11 years old or have led a first aid rescue mission. But somewhere out there, there's someone that has been working since they were 10 years old and have done something so much better than you.
It hurts. You feel awful, like you deserve recognition but nobody notices. You feel like you want to give up. You say that no matter how hard you try, or how much you tell people, you're not going to improve. That while you're improving, someone else is still better than you. You'll never reach the top.
You can gain motivation or you can lose it. The latter is easier. You know it is. It is so much easier to just give up and accept that you'll never be anything important. You feel like you just don't want to go on. Life will be easier that way and nobody will notice the potential that you had and you gave away.
But motivation... It comes hard. But when it does, you're capable of doing something great. Something that is completely unique in every way, just like your DNA or a snowflake. Somewhere and sometime, someone will recognize that. You can't give up, because then, for the rest of your life, you will wonder what would have happened had you not given up. You'll regret it, plain and simple.
So although something bad has happened; something that makes you want to give up, you know that there's room for improvement and it's not that hard to get better. If you're doing what you love, then it shouldn't even be a struggle to do. Someday you will become that person that is better than the one next to you. Someday you'll be the one getting the college scholarship or the one that won the drawing contest. If you just keep trying, you'll make it. Plain and simple.
We're challenged. Life is just an obstacle that we must go through to reach what we really want. So even if it seems like there has been injustice done towards you, you have to know that really, what life is doing is asking you, "Are you good enough? Do you really love what you're doing enough to keep on?"

I know I am.

Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.

I want to make you happy

I am lonely now ._.

Have you ever had a friend that you knew for a little span of time but you cared about them like crazy and you felt like it was up to you to make them happy? Yeah.
I seriously do worry. *Sigh*

Seven Seasons

First of all, LOOK AT THE FREAKING KITTEN! *dies of cuteness* I want a kitty so bad T.T Whaaiiiii?!?!?! They're so cute and fluffy and playful and cuddly and I'm dying of wanting cuteness! D: u.u

Secondly, I'M SORRY! I changed my blog title and layout again and you probably hate me because I can never keep the same title and it must be annoying being all like, "Why am I watching this Seven Seasons person?! ...Oh. Stupid Maya. Just pick a name already!"
I am sorry. And I will probably change it again. And again and again and you'll just have to live with it.
I don't know if I'm satisfied with this layout. BUT LOOK A THE F-ING KITTEN! ISN'T THAT THE CUTEST THING IN EXISTENCEEVERYTHATYOUHAVESEENINYOURLIFE?!!?!
*Sigh*
Okay. Okay. I'm good. I'm fine. *Breathes*

NOTLD

I got the part of Dr. Grimes for the school play. Night of the Living Dead. xD I'm so excited.

School... As much as I feel like a traitor to admit it, is way better than school in Mexico. I have friends. I know people. I like my classes. It's all... It's where I belong.
I'm actually happy. Plain old happy with nothing that can ruin my day.

Autumn

I figured it's time I should write again. I've gotten back from Colorado and we went to the mountains in NC. It seems like we're doing a lot of traveling, although we're really not. School starts in less than 2 weeks and I'm nervous and excited.
My life seems to be concentrated on reading and drawing, which has really helped me in a lot of ways. I've been thinking in a lot of different perspectives that I wouldn't have without reading so much and just living with the personalities of the protagonists and antagonists of every book. I feel open and excited and I keep on remembering how much I love reading.
As for drawing, the more I draw it feels like the better I get. Just studying the anatomy of the human body and also the techniques of other artists has given me a feel on how to make my own art. It feels really good, too. Just to learn new things. I just need to continue practicing and observing.
I've decided that the one word to describe my personality is Autumn. Anything about autumn is what I like. Just sayin'.
I think that's all I have to say right now. I miss each and every one of my friends, those in Mexico or elsewhere and I hope that everyone's doing well.

~~~

PS. Rest in peace, Don Edwards. You were loved very dearly by all of those around you and you will never, ever be forgotten. You were a very dear friend to me.

All okay here

Everything is well on my end of the universe. No intergalactic one-eyed drunk monkeys to ruin my day. It's smooth sailing for now. Summer days are filled with library-acquired books, rather late nights and nonexistent mornings. I've always said I'm not a morning person. Hellooooo, 3 o'clock in the lovely afternoon! (Not really, the latest I've slept in is 2)

So yes, everything is alright. I don't know anyone, the only things I've purchased with my own money here is two french berets and three pins. Fun, eh? I still have those 120 pennies locked up safe in my drawer. 

I've been sort of catching up on my sketching, and I have definitely caught up with reading. Read 4+ books in less than a week. It made me oh-so happy :3 I have learned to bless and love libraries and hold those sacred buildings close to my heart. Why don't they have those beautiful knowledge infested buildings in Mexico? Downright shame. 

I miss Mexico though. My dreams still think I'm there. The other night I dreamed about my school, and I was miserable, but I missed it nonetheless. I  miss Keren-ha. I miss Mik. I miss Ruby and Cabo and CJ and even the cats. I miss my house and my bed and my desk and purple and blue walls. I miss the lake and I miss the air and I miss not having air conditioning and I miss the friends. I miss my life.

It sucks when you have to start from scratch.

Ya me voy

Indeed, I have redesigned my blog once again. I apologize. I do realize I change it a lot, but change is good. I'm really happy with the layout on this one ^^ Anyways, Lily inspired me to change my blog appearance so I did. One good thing is, the title of the blog is still the same.
Packing is painful. But luckily, I'm almost done. I'm going to miss everyone so much. But I'm also excited and looking forward to my future.

He hecho muchos amigos este año, y solo quiero agradecerles por ser tan especiales y apoyarme tanto, y aunque tal vez no se den cuenta, me han influido mucho y son muy buenos amigos. Les agradezco tanto, y les voy a extrañar muchisimo. Me diverti mucho este año con ustedes. Conoci a mucha gente nueva que me han ayudado con mi vida y me han dado consejos muy buenos.
Especialmente voy a extrañar a Enrique, Ale, Pedro, Dan, Mika, Sofi, mis amigos de cosplay, mis compañeros, etc.
Enserio, ustedes son la onda y aunque talvez ustedes no lo sepan, les voy a extrañar demasiado. Hay algunos de ustedes que solo he conocido por un año, pero son muy buenos amigos y me he divertido tanto con ustedes.

Keren-ha, I'm going to miss you too. You're incredibly special to me. I don't know how I'll get by without you by my side, to tell my secrets and stories to. I just want you to know that I'm going to miss you more than you know, and I'm so thankful that you're my best friend and you're around when I need you. You have influenced me in such a way that I know my life would have never been this awesome without you. We have so many memories, and each single moment with you has been held closely in my heart. You're the most special person I've ever met; your name does show who you are. A ray of brilliant light. Keep on shining, keep on helping people and being the beautiful person you are, inside and out.
If you ever need me, call, and I'll do my best to get to you. Even if we're in two separate countries, talk to me. I'm going to miss you so, so much. I can't put into words how much.

Mik, you are incredibly awesome. You're my partner in crime, and you have no idea how much that means to me. I'm glad I've finally found someone I can be ridiculously enthusiastic with, even if it's about the smallest things. I'm glad you're my cosplay partner and you share such incredible ideas with me. I'm looking forward to carrying out all our plans, from the Pirates of the Caribbean cosplay and skit to your awesome business ideas. You've been a marvelous friend to be around, and I love it that it's so easy to find ways to amuse ourselves together. I've had so much fun for the time I've known you, and you've made these last few weeks in Mexico a downright blast.
Continue being a great friend, and being friendly to everyone you meet ^^

And for everyone else, I will of course miss you guys too. You're made of awesome.

PS, I know I'm writing this a bit early, considering I'm leaving in a week, not 2 hours, but I doubt I'll want to write in it then.

Wish me luck people! I will miss you all!

Seasons

It's been too long since I've written a blog post. So here I am.
School and moving is stressful; I haven't even started packing. I have so much stuff to sort through I don't know how I'm going to start.
On a happier note, that awesome camera that we bought in North Carolina, we thought we didn't have a memory stick for it and the one we had for the other camera that we use didn't fit. Weeeeeeeell, I tried it out to day, and SURPRISE! It does. So. I did a bit of experimenting with the camera and it is THE COOLEST DANG THING ON EARTH. Just... So amazing and gadgety. IT HAS A FREAKING PANORAMA SETTING. Oh, so happy making :D So yeah. Content Maya.
Nic is here, and I haven't even gotten to see her yet >:C Eh, in due time.
Dan is supposedly coming over tomorrow and I'm wondering if I can convince Peter to go too... Hmm... Either that or I'll have to visit him on Saturday. Arghblarghbalahght!
Anyone wanna help me pack? Dx I feel like I'm going to leave to North Carolina and forget some super important thing like my laptop or something and freak out D:
I probably have a ton more stuff I could write about, but I'm just going to leave it at this. Ciao.

Here is a Story

Now is as good a time as ever to write a new blog post.
Right now I'm in my living room, listening to some indie song while my cats lay on either side of me. It's quiet, I'm chatting and old friend and a new friend, listening to the windchimes ring.
I think Kashka has a tic in her right eye. It keeps twitching.
A person at my school started following me on twitter yesterday. I'm not sure what to think about it, considering how he never really acknowledges me and I have an awkward past with him and I don't really hold him in very high respects and all that. It's just... ugh. I might as well write about it, it's not that bad.
So at the beginning of school I had a severe crush on him. And I sort of let him know it, which was the stupidest thing I could have done. Also he was totally out of my league. I guess I could call him the school's Cumberbatch (Although he's still nowhere near being as perfectly gorgeous as Cumberbatch is). Okay, well he was sort of *my* Cumberbatch. There are people that could disagree with me.
Anyways, I really liked him, and it was getting nowhere, I was getting frustrated, and I sorta freaked out and made a fool of myself. Needless to say, I stopped liking him like, 2 months later, although it seemed like ages.
Time passed, we never talked; it's almost impossible to talk to him. He's infuriating that way. Things were... Getting better, I guess. I didn't have feelings for him anymore, and I honestly thought he wasn't worth being friends with either. We finally started to acknowledge each other after a big gap of no talking, nothing. I was sort of mad at him for not wanting me, to be honest.
By that time, I had finally built that concrete wall around my heart. Thank God. Then Valentine's day came around and I was paired up with him on the "cute couples" poster. Aaaand a lot of the feelings came rushing back. He never shows any emotion or anything, like, ever. So I pretended I hated that my name was followed by his with a big heart in the background. I didn't care afterwards, I just wanted him to *feel* something, you know?
After that I just started ignoring him again, and now recently I've been catching looking at me every once in a while. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking.
Traces of what I once felt for him are coming back, along with a resentment that he never did anything. He's like a robot. He can be programmed to be totally gorgeous but he won't feel anything because in the end he's going to destroy the world or something. With these big nuclear bombs or lasers that were hidden behind his dark, almost black eyes. And the target is my heart. Then he'll stomp on the ashes and return back to his programmers in space or something.
Agh, sidetracked. Back to what I was talking about. I still feel some longing for him, and I wonder, "what if...?" But nah. The moment passed, he had his chance and he blew it. I've just been thinking about him a lot more than I should be.
Remember that dream I told you guys about how I liked this guy but he never acknowledged my existence because he felt bad because he was gay? Well that was him. Hehe. It honestly made me laugh when I woke up. I'm not taking all of this too seriously though, although I am a bit peeved that he started following my twitter. I guess that's just what people do. I don't know f I should follow him back. He's just... Ugh. Annoying.
Hehe, well, there's a little story about my past and stupid teenage angst.
Oh, and I'm only posting this because MayaLogic™ is down. If it were working, I would totally keep this to myself. But I feel like I needed to get it out because it's been on my chest for a while and I don't know why I'm thinking about him so much because he's not even that charming or anything there's just something about him that makes me go "wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" in my tummy and now I'm rambling so I should prolly stop now or it's gonna get really bad.

Breaking down the writer's block

I'm doomed. I can't. I have a writer's block. Aaaaawh, shaving cream!

Heh.

Let's all live tomorrow, shall we?

Ridiculous person wasting their time telling us the world is going to end. I mean, of coooooooourse it's going to end! (Sarcasm) Seeya guys tomorrow!

(Another) Anime convention tomorrow!

Okay, as you all know, the first anime convention I've been to in more than around 7 months is tomorrow. And yes, I know that I've written a lot about anime conventions, and how exciting they are, and you're probably a bit bored with it, but it always excites me every time. I love them because they inspire you to think creatively and use anything you can to get a costume, and it also makes you work. I'm short on money, so I have to work to get it. Honestly, it's not all frivolous and stuff as people claim anime conventions to be. It's hard work. But in the end, it's the most fun time I can have. So yes. If there is ever a time where there is an anime convention around your town, it's worth going to it if you're into creativity and people taking pictures and stuff. You don't even have to like anime so much, it's just a blast. Mik is going to compete in it as Axel. I'm crossing my fingers for her. I've been helping her make the background and stuff, and it's looking amazing. I'm really glad I can help her. It's very possible that she will win.
The only bad thing about anime conventions? Sleep deprivation.

I haven't posted anything in a long time, so I decided I would write something.
I'm home from North Carolina. It was a very fun and exciting trip that brought on a ton of new opportunities for us. I had a great time.
And now I'm home, tired, anxious, not sure what to do with myself. I'm bored. I never really have liked the post-vacation feeling left inside of me. -.-
So now I am left to read my books, maybe do my homework, get on the computer, and continue living my life the way I always do.
Oh, Mik's back! At least there is one exciting thing going on now. Welcome back, Mik!

Dreams?

For some reason I really want to go to the beach. I dreamed about it. It was interesting, although most of it was rather blurry.
I dreamed about a lot of things last night. Most of them only lasted seconds, were only tiny clips until they faded into another part of my dreams.
I must say that none of my dreams were that interesting, there was probably only one that caught my attention. I was driving in the car with mom, and we had passed by a mountain. I recognized the mountain, although I don't know how I recognized it, and I said, "Mom, I want to go to that mountain someday."
My mom looked at me quizzically, since it wasn't that magical of a mountain. "Why, baby?"
"Because I want to see the tree," I said as I looked at where the tree should have been.
She continued driving, we had passed the mountain now. "A tree?"
"Yes." After a moment of silence, I explained, "I dreamed about it. Before I ever saw it. Have you ever had that happen to you? Well, this tree... It must be special, right? If it's real and I know where it is, but I've never seen it? I've seen it in two dreams now. There must be something there...."
My thoughts drifted off into silence, and I sat peacefully in the car while my mom drove. After several minutes' passing, my mom promised me to take me to the tree.

It was a very short clip as well, but I have dreamed about the same location twice. It's probably one of the simplest dreams held dear to me, a simple image of a tree, high up in a mountain, overlooking our lake, with a crystal-clear river running coolly through the mountain.

...But I've never seen it.

Time

In spite of all the things that have happened in my life,
I have learned to get through it.
I don't know how or why,
I just survive it somehow.
It's probably not because of my strength,
Or my intellect,
Or simply me.
I guess it's that even though you feel like the world is going to end,
It keeps going.
It's not going to wait for you or me,
It's honestly not going to wait for anyone.
You just gotta go with it.
Maybe that's how I'm still here, breathing, thinking, living.
And I think that one of the greatest gifts we have
Is time.
How no matter what happens in this world,
The earth still turns,
The birds still sing,
The children still cry.
It doesn't matter what event happens,
It's always going to be going by,
Even when we have no earth to count it on.
It just goes on and on.

Books I want to get.

The Merchant of Death by D.J. MacHale
The Mortal Instruments trilogy
Fire by Kristin Cashore
Unwind by Neal Shusterman
Nobody's Prize by Esther Friesner
Enna Burning by Shannon MacHale
Peter and the Shadow Thieves by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson
Coraline by Neil Gaiman
Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
The Wolves in the Walls by Neil Gaiman
MirrorMask by Neil Gaiman

(Yes, Neil Gaiman is amazing and I really need to read more of his books, so.)
Aaaand, that's all I have so far. I'm sure I'll find more that I'll want to read later.

My life update

Well, I have to turn in my math study guide tomorrow and I've only managed to answer 11 questions out of 23 and I don't get any of the rest and I'm kind of stressed :S
Also, we have a science test tomorrow, and the teacher didn't even tell us to study or anything so I'm freaking out. And it's 10:00 and I need to take a shower, finish my math test, study for science, clean a bit of my room, and stuff like that. Ughhh....
Well then.
I wrote the script for the music video today. It's the first draft, it's raw, so I need to go over it again and get the time right and better shots... But I've been meaning to do this for a while so I'm glad I got to do it today.
So yeah, it's exam week, and I'm going to North Carolina in a week. Which is very nice. I'm very excited. It's gonna be fun... So yeah. I'm curious to know what it's like up there. Plus, I got the sudden urge to go to the beach, so hopefully we'll go when we go to NC. So yupp...
Anyways, I think that's all that's going on with me, so I conclude this blog post with this: I am busy and stressed.

I cut mah haaaair!!!

Yes. I finally did it. After months and months of thinking and worrying and wanting and weighing the pros and cons. My hair is gone. Well, most of it. And I love it! It is truly amazing and I'm really satisfied! :D I don't think I'm going to regret cutting my hair later. I really don't. Anyways, not much more to talk about then.

Nightmare

The room was dark when I entered. The doors would creak loudly, the sounds reverberating through the empty and desolate halls. Every time I entered that building, I would look around the room. The cold, dark stone floors and walls would loom far above me.
I held a book tightly in my arms, afraid that if I left it alone for a second, it would disappear at any time. It had a reputation for doing that. I walked slowly and wearily through the empty halls, the howls of many people who had lost their minds long ago made chills run down my spine and my hairs stand on end. Still, I padded silently down the corridor, repeating to myself that there was nothing that could hurt me.
I stopped in front of a door, a door no different than all of the others that I had passed through on my way here. My fingers started trembling, and I reached for a key that was inside my dress pocket. I inserted the key into its designated hole, and turned it. The sound of rusty locks clanged and the vibrations felt like they were coursing through my body, only to add to my fear-caused adrenaline.
Slowly, carefully, I opened the door. The room was completely empty and unadorned except for a small window and a woman lying in the corner.
This woman looked up, examined me, and her eyes fell on the book I still held tightly to my chest. She grinned, displaying her cracked teeth. Her eyes were wild, black against the darkness, but they seemed to be... Empty. "You came!" She cried, filled with glee.
She stood up slowly, her legs thin and wobbly. She leaned against the wall, never taking her eyes off me. She started walking towards me, her eagerness to reach the book tangible.
I took a step backwards.
"Now, hand me the book, dear," she whispered to me. She held her feeble hands out, and I reluctantly handed her the book.
She grabbed it eagerly, her hands trailing over the ancient leather binding and the single ruby encrusted in the center. She slowly opened it, and then she dropped it as if she had been burned by the book. As the book hit the floor with a resounding thud, she screamed. She screamed with all her might, a shrill and terrifying scream, possibly the most bloodcurdling, haunting sound of fear and despair I had ever witnessed in my life.
I stepped backwards, my legs leaden with mortification. I turned around, ready to flee, but something grabbed my arm from behind. I cried out in pain as something punctured my skin, and I looked down. The woman had grabbed my arm. Something on her hand looked wrong, and then I noticed it. There were nails coming out of her fingertips. My eyes opened wide, and I took in the rest of her body. My eyes trailed up to her arms, where it looked like there were giant stakes protruding from the elbows. I would have screamed, but the feeling of dread and hopelessness strangled the cry from my throat. And then I had the courage to look at her face. There was blood everywhere. There were nails sticking out of her skull as well, and her eyes were bloodshot and black. The woman held her hands up, and screamed one last time, the veins sticking out on her neck. And then she collapsed. I choked up a sob, and grasped for logic as I swooped down and grabbed the book. By some miraculous reason, I managed to stumble out of the chamber and ran.
There was no doubt about it now-- Only I could open the book. Dread ripped through my conscious thoughts, and I knew that I had to get out of this place somehow. I should have never come here. There were so many things that had warned me. But now that this book had caused someone's death, there were much more evil forces that would come after it.
I swear I heard footsteps behind me. But I was too afraid to look back. I kept on running down those dreary, dark corridors, looking for the exit. But I was lost. I had never been through this passage before. I didn't dare give up though, so I ran and hoped that whatever was following behind me would soon tire before I did.
I was gaining confidence that I would find my way out, but I had hoped too quickly. I tripped over a rock that was sticking out slightly more than the others, and my knees gave in from underneath me. As I hit the ground, I did nothing to get back up. The book was still in my hands, crimson drops of blood still hanging off of it. The footsteps grew louder, and I just lay there, defenseless, weak, tired, and was actually hoping for the end to come. This book had become my life, it had become me, and it also tore my entire identity apart. I was ready for this to end.
The heavy stomps slowed down, and eventually came to a stop, right behind me. I closed my eyes, and didn't dare to open them again. I had experienced so much in the past few hours I felt like it had worn all my years out of me.
I sensed whatever was behind me kneel, and they put their hand gently on my shoulder. I did not expect this. None of us moved for what seemed like an eternity, and I finally decided to open my eyes. The room was still dark and made of stone, the book was still in my hands. I turned my head slowly to face the person behind me, and then I gasped.
What I saw was an angel. Or maybe I imagined him to be an angel.
"You're alright," he whispered silently, and helped me up off the stone floor. "No one is going to hurt you, I promise."
I stood there, looking at him, and I believed him. Peace flowed through me, and I leaned into him for support. I closed my eyes again as he embraced me. Everything was okay.
And then he disappeared, leaving me alone. But this time I knew how to get out.
I closed my eyes one more time, and then I woke up.

It was only a nightmare.

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Based on a nightmare I had a while ago. I just wrote this to try and find some logic behind it.

What are you waiting for?

Sometimes I wish I could just give into insanity.

I stare at the ceiling, imagining what it would be like if the world were upside down and that was the floor.
My sanity has caught up to me. It always asks the strangest questions. "What are you doing?" it asks, although I'm not completely sure if it's actually interested in what I'm doing or if it's just trying to strike up a conversation.
"Waiting," I reply.
My sanity looks at me quizzically. "What are you waiting for?"
For some reason this question surprises me. I lean back against the wall, and imagine myself falling through it like empty air. "I don't know..."
My sanity sighs, probably wanting me to say something more intelligent than that.
"Are you waiting for anything?" I ask it.
"Yes," it replies.
The silence stretches out for a couple of minutes, and I decide to return to my insanity. I close my eyes and imagine myself in a cave, surrounded by puffer fish. They all greet me, and I recite poems for them. Once I'm finished, I start walking.
"Where are you going?" It's my sanity again.
"Home, I guess." I feel like we're playing 20 questions. I wait, although I don't know what for, and figure that eventually something will happen if I wait long enough. My vision blurs and I feel like I'm dozing off.
I feel like my brain is getting cloudy, stuffed with big cotton balls that are absorbing all my conscious thoughts.
"Wait, don't leave!" My sanity yells at me. I can't seem to decipher the words, but I manage to process the basic meaning. I turn around, my limbs feeling heavy.
"Wha?" I grunt.
"Don't leave me alone. Come," it gestures for me to come closer to it. I look blankly at my sanity, then follow obediently.
I walk closer, the small seconds it takes for me to reach my sanity feels like an eternity. I'm struggling to keep forward, and I've forgotten the reason why I'm walking. I stop, right in front of my sanity.
"I need you," my sanity whispers in my ear, "and you need me."
My sanity opens its arms, and pulls me into an embrace. "You need me..." It whispers again.
Suddenly I'm flooded with reason. I open my eyes and look around the room. It's perfectly normal. Not upside down or filled with strange fish.
It must have been a dream. Although I wouldn't know.
Strange enough, even if it was a dream, I can still feel the sanity embracing me softly, tenderly. I close my eyes again.
"I guess I was waiting for you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not exactly sure what inspired this. I guess an episode of Soul Eater and a story my friend told. So yep....

O.o

What do people DO at parties?? Especially ones that involve baby blessings??
I am currently hiding out in my room because I am terrified of having to talk to people. Socializing and entertaining people has never been my strong suit.
Oh dear... Well, I guess I'll come out from hiding once the food is served... Or something. O.o

AAAGH OH MY GOD I'M FREAKING OUT!!!

SPOOOOOILERS OF GLEEEEE!!!
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DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE MOST RECENT EPISODE!

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HOLY FREAKING CRAP I'M FREAKING OUT BLAINE AND KURT! FREAKING BLAINE AND KURT!!!!!! I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT THEY'RE SO CUTE TOGETHER OH MY GOD I ALMOST STARTED CRYING WHEN BLAINE KISSED HIM AAAGHHH!!! LOVE LOVE LOOOOVE! I cannot express my feelings to the full extent right now. SO FREAKING EXCITING!!!!

Earthquake+Tsunami Japan

We need to pray that things will get better.

One of the things that bothers me is that I've been looking for news on the earthquake all evening and it seems that all that comes up has to do with the change of economy and the delays of anime shows and products not being shipped around as easily. Are americans and other people seriously that ignorant and shallow that all they care about is their material products and not the fact that tons of people just died and a lot more have gone missing? This has been one of the most serious earthquakes recorded.

And I feel helpless because I don't know if I can do anything to help but I seriously want to do something. All I can do for now is pray.

I'm fine

It was for the good. I'm getting my wings back. I'm getting along perfectly fine so far. I just have to keep reminding myself of the reasons for why I let go.
But in the end, when I think about it, I'm fine.

Yay for procrastination.

I want a donut.
I haven't been writing lately... Or something. Hehe, I'm just too lazy right now. So yeah. I shall make a longer post eventually, I guess. But first, I must make a vlog.

Just Another Face

I've never seen you smile, never heard you laugh.
Only seen your portraits behind a screen of glass.
Enchanting eyes, something about you.
A new inspiration, different ways to see through.
I'm going insane, but I keep holding on to hope.
The distance is so far, I would need a telescope.
Continents apart, lives so unique.
How come I keep thinking it's you I seek?
One in a million, maybe even more.
It seems like a fortress more than a door.
Is there a chance or am I just insane?
I can't help but think that this will end in pain.

Oh, why, Maya?

Wonderful words for everyday use.

TROGLODYTE: A person of degraded, primitive, or brutal character.
CLAPTRAP: Pretentious but insincere or empty lenguage.
DOUR: Sullen, gloomy, severe, stern.
SLUGABED: A lazy person who stays in bed long after the usual time for arising.
HEBETUDINOUS: The state of being dull, lethargy.
SMARMY: Excessively or unctuously flattering, ingratiating, servile.
FLUMMOX: To bewilder, confuound, confuse.
VACUOUS: Lacking in ideas or intelligence, purposeless, idle.
ENNUI: A feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest, boredom.
POMPOUS: Characterized by an ostentatious display of dignity or importance.
MORIBUND: In a dying state, near death, not progressing or advancing, stagnant.
AGGRANDIZE: To widen in scope, increase in size or intensity, enlarge, extend, to make something appear greater.
JAUNDICED: Affected with or exhibiting prejudice, as from envy or resentment.
NEFARIOUS: Extremely wicked or villainous.
MISCONSTRUE: To misunderstand the meaning of, take in a wrong sense, misinterpret.
ABSCOND: To depart in a sudden and secret manner.
ACRIMONIOUS: Caustic, stinging, or bitter in nature, speech, behavior.
DESULTORY: Lacking in consistency, constancy, visible order, disconnected, digressing from or unconnected with the main subject, random.
BUNKUM: Insincere talk, claptrap, humbug.


Just wanted to share with you guys what I've been doing all afternoon. :P

Nervous

I feel really nervous for some reason. It might be because I feel extremely caught up in homework and school and I'm really struggling to get my grades back, since my GPA probably got lowered considerably last bimester. I don't even know if I got a single 10 and I feel super bad. I also feel nervous because I need to apply to the Prepa in February, and with the grades I got I'm probably not going to get accepted. This bimester I'm trying really hard to get better grades but I feel like I'm not learning anything in math. Whenever I learn something new, I forget how to do something I had learned to do before. It sucks and I feel extremely worried about it.
Also, I feel nervous with getting the job at the modeling agency because I've never been really good at speaking with people I don't really know and I'm supposed to really put myself out there and pretend that I'm confident and qualified for the job. I have to go back to GDL tomorrow to speak with another person from Avenue and I'm extremely nervous.
Good news is, I'm doing better with my social life at school, but I need to learn how to keep up with my education too. I have no idea how people manage to maintain a steady job, social life and good grades at the same time.
I also feel nervous because I've never really done anything like this before on my own. I feel completely unprepared for the real world. I mean, Lily started working when she was 11 and she has a firm idea on how to get by by herself.
Meh, whatever. I'm sure I'll adjust eventually.

Heartbeats

One night to be confused
One night to speed up truth
We had a promise made
Four hands and then away

Both under influence
We had divine scent
To know what to say
Mind is a razor blade

To call for hands of above
To lean on
Wouldn't be good enough
For me, no

One night of magic rush
The start, a simple touch
One night to push and scream
And then relief

Ten days of perfect tunes
The colors, red and blue
We had a promise made
We were in love

To call for hands of above
To lean on
Wouldn't be good enough
For me, no

To call for hands of above
To lean on
Wouldn't be good enough

And you
You knew the hand of the Devil
And you
Kept us awake with wolf's teeth
Sharing different heartbeats in one night

To call for hands of above
To lean on
Wouldn't be good enough
For me, no

To call for hands of above
To lean on
Wouldn't be good enough

~~~
This song... Well, it brings back memories. *sigh*

All leading up to this

I have got to stop thinking about this. It's outrageous and totally never going to happen.
I hate Valentine's day.

I Need You

I'm just thinking about what it would be like if we had stuck to ourselves and stayed as close as sisters. But obviously, we're drifting apart, caught up with a million people in between us. Brief words are exchanged, perhaps a short conversation is held.
The fact is, I need you to be there for me when I need you. And right now I need you. I always need you.

This is home.

The title and picture are unrelated to this blog post.
I just felt like writing. I don't know about what, but I feel like writing.
Hmmm... I was going to write a poem but I got lazy and decided not to.
Do you know who I love? The Beatles. They're seriously the best band ever. Their music is so freaking creative! Yeah... Hmm... :3
Today I hung out with Keren-ha and Ale :D (Ustedes son  la ondaaa!) and we walked around Chapala taking pictures for our computers test. (We have to make an imaginary tour and take pictures of the places that we're taking the people to) So we took pictures and goofed around :P
Keren-ha and I went to this little "Get your weight and height measured" thingy and Keren-ha is 1,60 m!! Yay for her!!
And I'm 1,72! (And apparently I'm 20 kilos underweight! D:)
So yeah... Hanging out is fun. I want to do it more often.

Look up

This year is going so perfectly well. I'm making new friends, keeping old ones, getting job opportunities, becoming more creative, socializing more, and every day I'm just wearing a content face. I feel at peace. Like even though there are still conflicts in my life, this is about as good as it gets. I'm letting go of the bad part of me, and I'm working to fill in those empty spaces with good things.
I don't feel like a helpless romantic anymore either. This vacation really helped me let go and get over everything that's happened since school started. I no longer have the insane desire to be in a relationship. I'm functioning just fine with myself. I love the feeling of emotional freedom. My heart doesn't somersault whenever I think of myself being in a relationship with someone. That thought doesn't even come up anymore.
So this is what it feels like to be happy. I enjoy it a lot.

Keren-ha, we need to get together and do something. I'm serious. We're becoming strangers for goodness sake!

Well, I should like to think it's only gonna go uphill from here.

(^^^) (Shark)

OHMGLARJGUNEUAHGUHHHHHHH
Eh?
WHOOSIEDAISY!
I NEED A CAPPUCCINO!!!!
(And Lily won't share hers with me)
AAAAAGH I NEED SOME CRAZY IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.
LALALALLALAAAAAAAA READING ERAGON
And suddenly I'm suuuuper Hypeeeer!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Chrisser says: Oh love... Ah, smooches. Nuu.
O.o
Weeeird
Chrisser is trying to kiss Liller!
:O
I need a new hobby.
I miss mah Kedderlydoopafuzzleshopaliddleshalloopinalilollypopblueshoopdeedoop!
T-T
See how much I miss her?!?!?!!?!?!?!?
D:
I'm having "I miss Keddy" issues.
D:
COME BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! AAAARGH I MISS YOUUUU! :(
(Do you miss me? I dunno... It could be possible that you don't, I don't know. Harumm... I'm going to be thinking about this all day now.)
Anyways....
Duurh
ERM...
Heehee
Umm... I'm gonna say "Bye-bye" for now.
Bye-bye!