Uuuugh I hate doing autobiografies. A lot. My life is too... I don't want to write so much! And it's MY life. Mine. I'm just going to totally write down some crazy stuff such as:
I was born at a very young age of exactly zero years old in Mexico. It was October 20th, 1996, and at 4:44 AM.
At the very young age of one year old, I was kidnapped by chickens and was asked for a ransom of 25,000 galleons. My parents had to make a fundraiser to get me back, which consisted of washing cars and smashing pumpkins. Finally, a couple of months later, they paid back the ransom and I was sent home in one piece.
When I was two, my parents decided to leave to Europe and collect as many bottle caps as they could there. One day, I grabbed one and put it in my mouth. I started choking on it, and my parents rushed me to the hospital. I ended up throwing up, and projecting the bottle cap ten feet across the room. But I was unharmed.
On my third birthday, I ran into a wall playing tag with my friends, and cracked my head open. Again, I was rushed to the hospital and I got stitches. I now have a scar the shape of a lightning bolt.
At four years old, we moved back to Mexico, with exactly two million bottle caps collected. We sold them for a cent each. We ended up rich.
At five, I rode a hoverboard for the very first time. I was a prodigy at it. I only fell once. Ever since, I've been in 17 hoverboarding contests, and I've won 12 gold medals and was given the title "Champion".
A year passed, and I started going to school. I hated it. Also, I met my best friend.
At seven, I also went to school. I also hated it. But then I met a tribute from the Hunger Games named Finnick. He gave me his autograph. I still have it framed on my wall in my bedroom. Also, he's now in a book.
Two weeks after I turned 8, I got my lips stuck in a gate. My friends all laughed... And I had to sit there and wait until they called the fire department and they got me out with a crowbar and then I had to go to lip rehab where I met a kid named Paulo that got stung by a bee right on the lip! And I couldn't talk to him after his lips swelled down and he was polish, and I used to know three words in polish, but now I know four, because he taught me the word for lip. Usta!
I was 9 when I went into 3rd grade. And it was the worst experience of my life. No questions, please.
On my 10th birthday, I had a surprise birthday party where they made donuts! And I got a donut pyramid for a cake and it was delicious because it was donuts!
On my 11th birthday, I had a costume party. It was fun. 'Nuff said. Then we moved to Chapalalalala where we were closer to school.
When I was 12, I was going to a school in Chapalalalala where both my best friends were. I hated the uniforms but loved the school.
Then I was 13. And here I am. And I've gone through so much crap during my life that I don't care. And now I'm going to a school called Loyola and they asked me to write this autobiography so this is it. Here you go. Yay.